FCE Essay Writing Model Answer and Commentary

Speaker: Dr. Sarah Mitchell

Role: Cambridge Writing Examiner

Context

Providing a model essay and detailed commentary during an FCE preparation workshop

Exam Task Model Best

Let me show you an example essay task and a model answer that demonstrates best practice.

Essay Task:
Your English teacher has asked you to write an essay on the following topic:
‘Should schools ban mobile phones in classrooms?’
Write your essay using all the notes and give reasons for your answer. (140-190 words)

Model Answer:

The debate about mobile phones in schools continues to grow stronger every year. While these devices can be useful learning tools, they might also cause problems in the classroom. This essay will explore both sides of this important issue.

Firstly, mobile phones can help students learn in several ways. Students can use educational apps, look up information quickly, and take photos of important notes. For example, many teachers now use special learning apps that make lessons more interactive and engaging.

However, phones can also create serious problems during lessons. Students might get distracted by social media or games instead of focusing on their work. Additionally, some students have used phones to cheat on tests or to record videos without permission, which is unacceptable.

In my opinion, schools should not ban phones completely but should have clear rules about when and how students can use them. Teachers could collect phones at the start of lessons or only allow their use for specific activities. This approach would help students learn to use technology responsibly while still benefiting from its advantages.

Commentary:
This model answer successfully demonstrates key elements of a strong FCE essay:
– The introduction presents the topic clearly and shows the essay structure
– Each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting examples
– Linking words like ‘while’, ‘however’, and ‘additionally’ create coherence
– The argument develops logically with a balanced discussion
– The conclusion offers a reasonable solution
– The formal register is appropriate for an academic essay
– Relative clauses help to expand and connect ideas
– The rubric requirements are fully met regarding length and content

Key Vocabulary Featured

  • rubric
  • formal
  • introduction
  • paragraph
  • conclusion
  • topic sentence
  • linking words
  • coherent
  • argument
  • relative clauses

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