You won’t believe what happened during my first major negotiation yesterday, Mike. I’d spent weeks preparing for this meeting with Joan from Tech Solutions, but I nearly messed it all up because of how I was phrasing things. I started off being way too tentative, you know? Every sentence was ‘If we were to proceed’ or ‘If you would consider.’ Joan, who’s this really assertive negotiator with twenty years of experience, actually stopped me mid-sentence and gave me some fascinating advice.

‘Russel,’ she said, ‘every time you use these hypothetical scenarios, you’re undermining your own position. You need to show more commitment to the deal.’ And she was right! I was using second conditionals like I was discussing some fantasy scenario instead of a real business opportunity.

She explained that when making a counter-offer, you need to sound confident, not uncertain. I had decent leverage – our product was exactly what they needed – but I was squandering it with wishy-washy language. So, I shifted my approach. Instead of saying ‘If we were to offer this price, would you consider…’, I started saying ‘If you accept this proposal, we will…’ The change was immediate.

We began to make real progress once I adjusted my language. Joan helped me stipulate our terms more clearly, and we worked towards a compromise that suited both parties. She even taught me this brilliant technique where you make a small concession on something less important to gain ground on your key priorities.

The funny thing is, once I stopped treating everything like a hypothetical situation and showed real commitment to making the deal work, the whole dynamic changed. By the end of the meeting, we managed to clinch the deal with terms that were actually better than my initial target.

Looking back, I can’t believe how much difference the right language makes in negotiations. It’s not just about the words you choose – it’s about the confidence and certainty you project. Joan told me she sees this all the time with new negotiators, but few catch on as quickly as I did. I guess sometimes you need someone to point out your blind spots, right? I can’t tell you how grateful I am to Joan. She has this tough reputation, but really helped me out, which must be kind of unheard of in a business negotiation!